A Eulogy for Tish

Thursday I said the funeral for my best friend's mum, the family I grew up across the street from, who died suddenly and unexpectedly. She was 63 years and 9 months old (23,284 days). It was a great honor to lead the service celebrating her life.

Before the service I gave an introduction of myself and made a plea for grace of sorts, something like this:
"My name is Kerry and I'm a United Methodist pastor in Campbelltown, Pennsylvania. I also lived across the street from Tish's family, from 1975-1990 or so. Tish was like a second mom to me.  Naturally, as a pastor, my faith informs the way I live my life and the way I conduct funerals, and today I'll be sharing a few scriptures common to Judaism and Christianity, from the Psalms and the prophets. I am a person of faith, and if you're a person of faith, I would ask you to pray to your God for grace during this hour, and if you're not a person of faith, I would ask you to extend your grace to those of us who find comfort there."

During the service I read from Psalm 23, Isaiah 40, and Psalm 139. I made uncredited reference during the eulogy to Psalm 121 and to the book of Ruth.


Tish R. was born Patricia Prue P., October 31st, 1947, on Vancouver Island , British Columbia, the third of four children and only daughter of (Lt.Col) David and Prue P. Though she lived more than half of her life in LaGrange, and made numerous treks to, through, and across Europe and the Mediterranean, she was a Canadienne all her life. She was born the year Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier & the year of the UFO incident at Roswell, NM. It was the year the Cold War began, the year the Doomsday Clock was first set. It was the year Princess Elizabeth married the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, and the year the United Nations voted to partition Palestine, leading to the 1948 emergence of the independent state of Israel. You may be surprised to know that the first electronic digital computer “ENIAC” predated Tish by just a year or two, though it was decades before the microchip became so solidly integrated into the fabric of our lives.


She was an excellent student throughout her schooling, and after graduating high school set off to see the world, working odd jobs along the way.


In her 21st year, Tish embarked on a journey that would end up setting the course for her life, when after traveling to Israel she caught the eye of another traveler, Sam. The two journeyed together for a few months and then corresponded for a year or two until in 1971 Tish effectively said “I will stay where you stay, I will go where you go, your people will be my people, your God will be my God, until death do us part.” And nearly forty years ago Tish and Sam made their vows before God and joined together as husband and wife. [aside: Tish chose to convert to Judaism when she married Sam]


It wasn’t long before the family went from two to four as they had a son and a daughter, and they relocated from Connecticut, where they’d settled, to LaGrange, where they’d spend the rest of their days. Although they knew nobody when they moved here, I think there was no such thing as a stranger to Tish, only friends not yet met. A simple trip to the grocery store could take hours because invariably she’d wind up talking to people in every aisle.


Tish and Sam survived a trauma in their sixth year of marriage when their third child David was lost to SIDS in his third month of life. God bless the parents who lose a child. But the family kept on and by their tenth year of marriage they reached their final count as daughter Leah joined the ranks of Joel and Sarah. Three peas in a pod, they were – different sizes, to be sure, but no mistaking it, you could pick Joel, Sarah, and Leah out of a crowd, and they have always clearly been the children of Tish and Sam.


Trauma struck again in the family, a hard blow in 1994 when firstborn Joel was killed in a car accident in Chicago during the Passover holiday. Seventeen years ago I stood before many of you and declared that Joel would still hold the title of Best Man at my wedding two months later.


And life went on. Sarah and Leah matured and went their ways in life, and Sam and Tish celebrated 25 years of marriage with a trip to Europe, one of many trips they took over the last 15 years. I’d list the countries they visited but my math and memory can’t retain that vast information. Countless museums and historical sites, synagogues and churches. Tish would always light a candle for her sons.


Over the course of the last 15 years, Tish survived lung cancer and a hip replacement and maintained her shop in Western Springs, Twigs and Stems, enhancing the lives of business folk and clientele alike, providing exquisite floral arrangements for all occasions. Tish was independent minded and an entrepreneur, an avid reader and gardener, and she made the best desserts you ever set fork to. She was strongwilled and she loved fiercely.




I don’t think there’s a person in this room whose heart didn’t stop from shock when we heard of her death four days ago. The world has been a whirlwind, a roller coaster, a jumbled mess since then as we’ve numbly stumbled together and tried to figure out what exactly is a world without Tish? Why did this happen?


Over the last fifteen years, as Tish and Sam were able to enjoy the fruits of their labors and their empty nest, as they worked and as they traveled overseas and celebrated life, I experienced some life journeys of my own, including the trauma of the death of my wife and the grace of marrying again and becoming a father. In my early twenties I lost my two best friends to untimely death, and at the same time I found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Twice. During that while I was drawn into relationship with the God I call Father, and I have dedicated my life to His service through ministry in The United Methodist Church. I have found much comfort, much understanding, much love and joy and life in God.


And I have come to the understanding that the question “Why did Tish die” presupposes that God had a reason for her death and the means by which it came, and I just don’t think that’s the case – that’s not my understanding of God, except that death is a natural part of the cycle of life – a world without death would necessarily be a world without birth, for the earth could not sustain or support unlimited growth. But in spite of death and perhaps in close connection with it, God has always for generations and millennia invited people into relationship with him.


The God I know says “I am for you. I am with you in your joys and I am with you in your sorrows. I created you in love and I desire relationship with you. I made you wonderfully and I know you infinitely better than you know yourself, and I want to be with you, I want you to choose me, for in me is life abundant. My heart soars when your choices and actions, your reactions and responses to all of life’s events show the mettle you’re made of; I made you fearfully and wonderfully and there’s nothing in life or in death that can separate you from my great love.”


“And so I will watch you and love you like a parent. I will watch you live and love and grow; my heart will swell with parental pride when you make good choices and when you live as stewards of righteousness and justice and shalom as I made you to be. You are wonderfully made. Live in wonder. Live fully. Live in me. Live in me and live, and together we will weather the storms of life.”


Friends, you’re here today because you’re a lover of Tish. I’m here because I’m a lover of Tish and a lover of God, and it is my hope and prayer that you may receive peace and consolation from God during this time, and that we may walk in love in this life and the next.


I lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.


I look forward to God’s renewal and reconciliation of all life, to a time when all questions will be answered and all our fears and griefs relieved, when we may embrace once again our dearly departed and celebrate love and life eternal.


This gathering has never before existed and shall be no more, and so I invite you to share if you are willing, a word or brief story of how Tish has touched your life.
[several friends shared memories and stories]


Your presence here today bears testimony to Tish’s life, and to her memory.


Tish R., daughter of God, we honor your life. We thank you for being daughter, sister and friend, wife, Mum, aunt, grandmother, and neighbor. We will miss you terribly because our love for you has been great. Our lives were better for knowing you. We honor you, and give thanks that you are able to reunite with those who have gone before you… Tish, may Almighty God have mercy on your soul, may he forgive your every sin, and celebrate every good and righteous act in your life, and may he welcome you into his eternal home.


[at this point Tish's husband Sam stood up and sang Kaddish, and I read the following translation:]
Mourner’s Kaddish
May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified (Amen)
in the world that He created as He willed.
May He give reign to his kingship in your lifetimes and in your days,
and in the lifetimes of the entire Family of Israel,
swiftly and soon. Now say:
(Amen. May His great Name be blessed forever and ever.)


Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,
mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the Holy One.
(Blessed is He).
beyond any blessing and song,
praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Now say:
Amen.


May there be abundant peace from Heaven
and life upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:
Amen.


He Who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace,
upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:
Amen.



That was the bulk of the service.
If you'd like information on the rest of the service, I'd be happy to provide it for you.