On the Wedding of Anna & Kevin

I was invited by my college friend Anna to participate in her wedding ceremony, though I was unable to actually be present in Des Moines, so I "phoned it in" (actually, we opened a Skype video chat, and Kevin did some kind of simulcast as well).

Another friend and pastor, Brigit, was on-site to provide the hands-on parts of the service, including the rings and the marriage certificate. Anna and Kevin exchanged their vows in a park in Des Moines on Saturday afternoon, June 20, 2015.

Introduction/Explanation – Anna

Invocation – Brigit

Message – Kerry

What a strange world we live in,
said Alice to the Queen of Hearts.

What a strange world, indeed.

I’ve never participated in a wedding via Skype. Hey.

I’m Kerry. I’m a Methodist pastor, and a graduate of Grinnell College (1994 chemistry, tyvm), and I’m a runner. It’s some combination of the three of those things, maybe more, that bring me to you this day, here and now. So…

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate and seal the marriage of Kevin A. and Anna R. 

As a Methodist pastor it is my duty and my desire to reflect on the institution of marriage, looking to both scripture and understanding for some guiding wisdom, and pretty much I have three images I’d like to share.

But first. Kevin and Anna have been together pretty seriously for a year and a half or so, after finding out about each other on OKCupid. They had a first date and something clicked with both of them and then “the-rest-is-history” as they say. Both of them had had long-term relationships before, and both of them had experienced some significant brokenness in relationships before, so they were both aware and cautious, but both were able to recognize and embrace something special and new and healing in the other. Both know the pains of deception (and self-deception) as well as disunity, and both find in each other the ability to be their authentic selves, and to laugh, thank goodness, to laugh. In fact, they have a red couch that serves that very purpose: they sit on their red couch, and they laugh.

So. My three images.

In the Bible, at the end of his famous “Sermon on the Mount”, Jesus says that “everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like the person who built their house on rock: the rains fell and the winds blew and beat against that house, but it did not fall, because its foundation was on rock.” (that’s at the end of Matthew 7, and is one of my favorite wedding texts). 

As a follower of Jesus, these words are important to me as I make my daily decisions. And I tell you that Jesus’ words and teachings are important in marriage as well, especially when it comes to how we treat one another and how we communicate with one another. Clear communication with each other is key to the strength of your union. You have had it already, and I urge and challenge you to keep open your communication. Without it, when the rains fall and the winds blow and beat on the house of your marriage, your marriage stands a greater risk of falling. Do not neglect communication. And I will also dare to say do not neglect the One who made you.

Second image: in the Hebrew Bible, in the book of Ruth, after a series of tragic events, the young protagonist Ruth chooses, covenants to align and bind herself to her mother-in-law Naomi. She does not know the future, what joys or griefs it may bring, but she knows that she cannot, she will not do it alone, and so she aligns and binds herself to Naomi. “Where you go, I will go,” she says; “your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.”

Kevin and Anna, today you are covenanting to align and bind yourselves to each other. You know not the future nor what it holds, whether it holds joys or griefs or both (and likely both)… but this day you agree that you will enter that future with each other, always. I’ll tell you right now that there will be ups and downs, there will be excellent times and there will be hard times. Cling to each other, though, with tenacity and strength and grace greater than whatever storms may come. I want to see your tenth anniversary… and your twentieth and your fortieth and your fiftieth. Will you do that for me? Will you do that for each other? I know I think of it and I smile. I smile real big.

So One, make communication with each other foundation to your marriage, and Two, cling tightly to each other and none other, and Three: Love one another. It says in 1 Peter 4:8 “Love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” Allow me a little license to say that love covers a multitude of brokennesses. There is brokenness in life, and it has the darndest tendency to show up even in marriages. Many brokennesses have some kind of selfishness at their core. I urge you to live lives of selfLESSness, especially in your marriage. Seek the pleasure and enjoyment and honor of your spouse, always. And thank God, brokenness can be overcome by the power of love, if you will let it. This I know, this I promise, this I hope you believe and receive.

I started out with a quip from Lewis Carroll, 

and will close with the same:

'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 9)

Kevin and Anna, love one another. 

Make the world go round, 

and go round the world with each other. 

Cling to one another, 

build your life on the rock 

and communicate with one another, 

and God bless you in your life together.

Statement of intent – Kerry

Question:  Kevin and Anna, is it your intention to share with each other your joys and sorrows and all that the years will bring, and with your promises bind yourselves to each other in marriage.

            Answer:  It is.

Exchange of vows – Kerry

Question:  Kevin, do you covenant with Anna to be your partner in marriage, to accept her with all her faults and her strengths, to support her when she needs support, to turn to her when you need support, and to give fully of yourself as you are and as you will be for all of life?

Answer:  I do.

Question:  Anna, do you covenant with Kevin to be your partner in marriage, to accept him with his faults and his strengths, to support him when he needs support, to turn to him when you need support, and to give fully of yourself as you are and as you will be for all of life?

Answer:  I do.

Presentation of rings – Kerry

            Kerry:  The vows that have been exchanged by Kevin and Anna have been offered in our hearing.  But words are fleeting, and the sound of them is soon gone.  Therefore, the wedding ring becomes an enduring symbol of the covenant that has been made.

Anna & Kevin:  I give you this ring as a sign of my love and commitment.

Declaration of marriage – Brigit

Because Anna and Kevin have exchanged their promises of faithful love, [and because in our presence they have exchanged symbols that make their covenant visible], we now recognize before God and the community that Anna and Kevin are partners in marriage.

Signing of certificate

Blessing/Benediction – Brigit